switching addictions

I was visiting my friend Ali's blog yesterday and noticed that her entries went all the way back to 1998. My first initial reaction was that I was impressed. My second was jealousy. I wish I had a blog that dated back to 98'! Then I started to come up with excuses as to why I didn't have a blog like that. "What was I doing back in 98?", I said to myself. Not out loud, in my head. "Oh yeah!" I proclaimed. "I was too busy doing drugs!"

Now wait, before I go on, is this something I write on a blog for the whole world to see? Well, i guess the whole world is a bit of an exaggeration so we'll just go with my friends and maybe a few people I don't know. My hope is that the whole world would see it one day but I won't get ahead of myself. And yes, I will write about it on here because it's a part of my past. I'm not ashamed of it. And it is just that, my past. Not my present or my future. If you judge me, that's your problem not mine.

You see, back in 1998 me and a couple friends thought it would be a brilliant idea to start making a pretty popular rave drug. I was like Walter White except I'm not a male chemistry teacher diagnosed with cancer. I was just a sixteen year old kid that wanted to make money and get high. I'm not going to get into details but I'll just say that because we had so much of this drug lying around at all times, I did a lot of it and within a few months I was physically addicted. A year after that I found myself in jail, then a few near death experiences, then within two years I was in rehab. I lived in an all female residential treatment facility. The average course of treatment was nine to thirteen months. I did eighteen. Some are sicker than others. I graduated then stayed clean for five years then about three years ago I decided to start drinking again. When you're in treatment and/or recovery, they tell you that once you use again you will be "off to the races" within minutes or days and that even if you don't go back to your drug of choice you will eventually or you'll just switch from one sick addiction to another. I new this was not the case with me. I knew that I could drink like a normal person and that i wouldn't be a full blown junkie within seconds. I proved myself right.

I will admit though that I have switched addictions. My new addiction is food. Don't worry, it's a healthy addiction. I don't under-eat, I'm not an overweight emotional eater, and I don't have an eating disorder. I just LOVE food. Don't get me wrong I am a huge fan of the alcoholic beverage but it doesn't make me feel the way that food does. (good) Food gets me high.